At the time of writing this description, I am a thirty something Caucasian female human of average height, weight, intelligence and personality. I am wearing age appropriate clothing and weaponry and have excellent hygiene, grooming and swordsmanship. I have no visible tattoos or scars and am wearing minimal cruelty-free makeup and a decorative eye-patch. My speech is clear and unremAAAARRRRRkable. My mood and affect are normal and congruent for a pirate. I display no unusual movements and maintain appropriate one-eye contact. I have no significant medical or criminal history because the scurvy dogs can’t catch me. I am the product of an uncomplicated full term birth, my mother did not smoke or drink during her pregnancy unless it was the finest pipe tobacco or the most exquisite rum. I have shown no talent for music or land lubbery. I have a personal history of corporate jobs with occasional outbursts of creativity.
The CIA has a Starbucks in its headquarters but the baristas don’t write names on the cups.
Oscar Wilde, Taika Waititi, Kate McKinnon
Quiztopher Walkenback to about us